...Groovy...

There comes a time in every man's life when he has to ask himself "Should I cut off my hand and replace it with a chainsaw?" And of course the answer is always yes. So if your husband, boyfriend, brother, or son decides to do this, support his decision and begin calling him Ash...

The Evil Dead trilogy is our topic today if you haven't already guessed. This just so happens to be my favorite trilogy of all time. I have to send a shout out to my dad for taking me to Army of Darkness when in came out in theaters, then filling me in that there were 2 movies in the series before Army, AND THEN he allowed me to watch them! You can't beat that with a stick!

Before you go any further, here are a few cautions:

1. This will be long. There is a lot of ground to cover over 3 movies, especially my favorite trilogy of all time.
2. There will be spoilers.
3. Once you read this, you must commit to watch all 3 of these movies. Not 1, or 2, but 3. 3 movies, 3 crates; 0 movies, 0 crates! Seriously though, this is such a unique story and cinema experience, but it only works if you watch all 3. You will miss so much to the development of the main character Ash. All of these are also key in the Evolution of Horror.

The Evil Dead
In 1979, Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell set out for a small abandoned cabin in Tennessee. Little did they know they would be making horror movie history.

The movie stars Bruce Campbell as Ash, the reluctant hero. Ash and his 4 friends go to a secluded cabin in the Tennessee woods for a weekend get away. Upon arriving they find a tape recorder from the previous owner. The tape contains the previous owner reading ancient scriptures from the storied Book of Dead. Once these texts are read aloud, the Evil Dead are AWAKENED!

The rest of the movie is about these young hooligans getting picked off one by one via demonic possession...then dismemberment.

The acting in this movie was average for it's time. Bruce Campbell plays Ash more as a lover in this movie than a fighter. As a side note it's interesting to see the evolution of Ash, as it were. There will be more on that in a minute. But I wouldn't say he was a stand out in this movie. Everyone acted on the same level.

Thankfully the acting is not what made this movie great. There were a number of contributing factors. Let's start with the story. 5 young adults go to a secluded cab in the woods. To those of us who live horror, this is so played out. But it's when they turn on that tape recorder that the story starts to come into play. Instead of a crazed lunatic killing them, it's ancient evil demons that are possessing them. So it is very refreshing that it's not some dude in a mask with a butcher knife. But really the great thing about the story is how the possessed toy with Ash. They go from crazy demons to their regular selves, trying to trick him into thinking they're ok. Then they go back to being demons and it drives him crazy!

The imagery was great (for it's time). The lighting was dark, the sets were plain and empty, and there was gore. The perfect formula for a great horror movie, before they knew the formula. They were literally creating the formula, that would be repeated over and over again, with this movie and other movies around the time (Halloween, Phantasm). Let's get back to the gore though. There was plenty of blood, but that wasn't the most memorable gore and violence from the movie. All sorts of other fluids spewed and flowed from those demons once they were hacked open. And we can't forget the tree rape scene. I usually can't stand rape scenes, but it was almost like you didn't know what you were watching until it was over. Or what about when Demon Shelly bites off her own hand? Classic! Another aspect of the great imagery was the eerie camera techniques and angles. Obviously the demon POV shot in the woods it mostly what I'm referring to. It was really a pioneering technique that lent to the idea of us seeing through the evil's eyes, much like what Carpenter at the beginning of Halloween.

Another thing that made this movie a horror classic was the atmosphere. The imagery I referenced above really made you feel isolated and hopeless at times. The various sounds added to the creepiness and unease that was felt. The growling during the demon POV as it got closer to the house which politely suggested that I should "join" them; the voices of the possessed; the screams when the possessed people were being stabbed and dismembered. It all just makes your skin crawl.

But really what I love about this movie is when all those things come together to deliver the best sub-genre of horror: 80's independent, cult horror. The other movies I've mentioned also fall into this category, although weren't quite as successful in my opinion. These people were doing everything: writing, directing, producing, acting, special effects, filming, etc. They didn't have these big budgets or these great marketing firms to help them sell the movie. They had to be inventive, resourceful, and adaptable. What they lacked in budget, they had to make up in passion. And it worked...oh ya...and no mother loving CGI!

Evil Dead 2

NO MORE TIRED ASS SEQUELS!!!

This is a call to every person who loves original movies. You don't have to love horror or sci-fi or any specific genres...just ORIGINAL movies! It's time for a Hollywood boycott!

With Scream 4 releasing this week, it's the perfect time to speak up. I am sick and tired of Hollywood's remakes, reboots, "re-imaginings", sequels, prequels, etc. I am a screenwriter, so I know there are very original movie ideas out there. Hopefully, one day I will be a good enough writer to have one of my scripts optioned. Until that day, I know that there are tens of thousands of great writers out there with original ideas. I'm tired of Hollywood taking the easy way out and trying to recycle old, worn out ideas/franchises. In fact, I hate the fact that movies have "franchises." The majority of movie franchises should have ended with 2 total movies. I'm trying to think of one franchise that benefited from 3 or more movies. And the only one I can think of is Evil Dead. (As a disclaimer, movies like Lord of The Rings that are installment literary works make sense to have franchises and usually work in that aspect). Franchises are what really ruined horror for awhile. From the late 80's to early 90's, the only real major horror movies that came out were bad sequels in franchises like Nightmare on Elm Street, Hellraiser, Friday the 13th, and so on. Now, we might like a few of those, but mainly for the camp, gore, and cult; not because they were cinema masterpieces.

And what really brought about the end of these horror franchises? Scream.

Now before you get the wrong impression, I both respect and loathe Scream for the same reason. It exposed all the cliches and formulas that were used in previous horror movies and really turned them on their heads. So on one hand it was a new, original type of horror movie. But it also frightened movie makers to revisit the old style of horror movie for the rest of decade. In my eyes, it killed the genre for a good 5 to 6 years. Overall, for this reason (and the actors) I do not like this movie. The really ironic thing about this whole situation is that Scream exposed the franchise dilemma I wrote about above; then it goes off and gets 3 sequels to become a cliche itself.

I have no idea what possessed Craven to create another Scream sequel. I thought he was supposed to be a master of horror? He hasn't made a good horror movie since New Nightmare (one of the only good Nightmare sequels). I hoped he could muster something better. And if he really can't, I'm not going to be one of those sheep going to feed him more of my hard earned money. I'm not going to be one of those die hard fans hoping that he finally makes another good movie. I'm done with Wes Craven. As of right now, he's either a sell out or a wash up.

So, I am calling to all fans of original movies, of great horror movies, and all people tired of being insulted by Hollywood's belief that the masses will watch any piece of shit they put in theaters to boycott all Hollywood remakes, reboots, prequels, and sequels. Don't go to the theaters to watch them. Don't buy them on DVD. Only stream them from the internet if you must watch them. I'm talking about horror movies, comic book movies, sci-fi, etc. If it has had a movie made in its franchise within the last 25 years, don't watch the newest edition. I know it will be hard, down right unbearable at times. But it's time for a movie and horror revolution! Support your local screenwriter!

When the last eagle flies...

Over the last crumbling mountain...

This review is for Amberlicious.

If you haven't guessed by now, this review will be about The Last Unicorn.

The Last Unicorn came out in 1982, based on the book of the same name. It's a Rankin/Bass joint. Right there should be enough to tell you it's high quality. We're talking about the same production company that brought you The Hobbit and Thundercats. (Ho!)

They stuck pretty close to the story. A unicorn (Mia Farrow) over hears some hunters talking in the woods about the lack of unicorns in the world. She decides to go on a quest to find them all. Along the way she is captured by Mommy Fortuna, a witch with a traveling side show of mythical beasts. But almost all the beasts are not really mythical. They are ordinary animals with magic spells on them to make them look different. Only the unicorn and the harpy are real.

The unicorn is freed by a Schmendrick (Alan Arkin), a small time magician. The unicorn learns that King Haggard has had his red bull capture all of the unicorns and that she is the last of her kind. Some more stuff happens along the way before she is finally confronted by the red bull. Schmendrick turns her into a woman so the red bull will leave her alone. Once a woman (her human name is Lady Amalthea), the King's son, Prince Lir, falls in love with her.



Anyway, she ends up defeating the red bull, saving her unicorn brethren, and turning back into a unicorn. So it's a really cool story. But they did it in a way that both kids and adults can enjoy. I find that characteristic with all great fantasy movies. I also find that all great fantasy movies were made before 1990, barring 3 exceptions. (I bet you can guess those). They really knew how to make classic movies back then.

The voice acting is great. I can't say a bad thing about it. I really loved Alan Arkin. He was my favorite actor in the movie. Mia Farrow, Christopher Lee, Jeff Bridges, and Tammy Grimes were all great as well.

I love this style of animation. It's like a cross between the animation from The Hobbit and Thundercats. And the sound track...well you really can't beat it. When you have America record your movie's music, there's no way it won't be kick ass.

There is something hard to describe about this movie and how it makes me feel, and many other's in the genre that came out around the same time. Being a child of the 80's, it brings back feelings from my childhood both good and bad. Mostly good. There are 3 other fantasy movies that do the same thing for me: Labyrinth, The Dark Crystal, and Legend. And like those 3 movies, this is one of the all time greatest fantasy movies. Top 10 for sure.

9 out of 10...I'm Alive!!!

Top 10 Sci-Fi Movies

I normally don't do this but here we go. My top 10 sci-fi movies baby! I didn't include horror sci-fi such as Alien. Or fantasy as in Lord of the Rings.

10. Donnie Darko - When you want to watch a movie over and over again to understand it, you know you're cooking with gas. Jake Gyllenhaal's best performance to date.

9. 12 Monkeys - Bruce Willis and Brad Pitt = rock solid. Another one of those movies that is hard to follow at first. Time travel can be hard on a person.

8. The Fifth Element - My favorite Bruce Willis movie. If I ever make a movie, Gary Oldman must be the villian.

7. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai - I'm sure I'm going to get some shit for this one. But come on, Peter Weller as a surgeon/scientist/rock star/samurai? You can't go wrong.

6. Highlander - Another one people might be questioning. I can't help but love it. Sword fighting immortals fighting to Queen music for the ultimate prize.

5. Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan - Even numbered Trek movies don't suck...and this is the best of them. I actually love 2, 4, 5, and 6. But 2 carries the series on its shoulders.

4. Star Wars: A New Hope - The movie that revolutionized sci-fi. It set the standard for all things to come. But not the best in the franchise...

3. The Matrix - Again, another movie that revolutionized the genre. The original is the best. Should have never made the sequels.

2. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back - I love it. The bad guys win and Han Solo's best lines are in this one:

Officer: Your taun taun will freeze before you reach the first marker.
Han: Then I'll see you in hell!

1. Bladerunner - Harrison Ford, Rutger Hauer, Ridley Scott all on one track baby! Its atmosphere, its story, most of its acting, and the effects. The Final Cut is delightful. Everyone must own it. Resistance is futile.

Many point out one omission from this list: Jedi. I have a one word reply...Ewoks. Done.

Why didn't they turn on the light first?

Our trilogy finally comes to an end. We all new it would end with Ridley's best...Alien. What else is there to say but...In space, no one can hear you scream. In 1988, Nightmare on Elm Street got me interested in horror. But it was Alien, 5 years later, that got me hooked.

The story: A mining crew picks up a distress signal from a near uncharted planet. A few of the crew go down and check it out. They find a field of huge eggs. One opens and the infamous face-hugger attacks. From there, everything spirals out of control. The face-hugger implants an alien embryo into the hosts chest. At this point in the movie, we don't know that yet. The face-hugger is still attached to Kane's face with its fingers/legs wrapped around his head, its tail around his throat, and its vagina against his mouth. Seriously that opening of the face-hugger looks like a really messed up vagina. Anyway, it finally falls off his face and dies. He awakens dazed and with a mighty hunger. He's got to feed that baby alien you know. The next major scene is what Alien is known for. All the crew is eating their last meal before hyper-sleep and Kane gets some serious indigestion. This scene always reminds me of the parody from Spaceballs. "Water my ass, bring this guy some pepto bismal!" The Alien bursts out of his chest, escapes, and goes on a murdering rampage.

The Characters: Kane, the host. Dallas, the captain. Lambert, the annoying crybaby. Ash, the vicious android. Parker and Brett, a couple of lazy bums. And Ripley, the most ass kickingest lady in the universe. The last character, one of the best antagonists of all time, the Alien.

Really only 2 of these characters are worth talking about in depth: Riply and the Alien. In fact, those are really the only 2 characters that matter in all 4 of the Alien movies, everything else is secondary. The way Weaver plays Ripley is great, and she actually evolves the character through out the quadrilogy. But in this movie she likes to play everything by the book. The reason she survives is she uses common sense and is smarter than everyone else. It's actually very rare in horror movies. She is definitely the best heroine in any movie ever. Done.

Earlier I said the Alien is one of the best antagonists of all time. There are many reasons for this. It doesn't have any emotions, just the instinct to kill mercilessly and further it's species. It doesn't make mistakes, it doesn't discriminate. It's just an effecient killing machine. One aspesct I always thought that made it even better was its growth rate. It went from tiny, adorable alien pal, to furocious killer in a few hours. I've never understood how though. Does it eat a lot? Actually, what the hell does it eat. We never see it eat. I would guess that it could eat some of the people it kills but I'm not sure. And who doesn't love that little mouth that comes out of it's big mouth. How awesome is that!?!? The Alien design is just amazing. Of course anything HR Giger makes is pretty damn cool.

One thing I recently read was a book full of interviews with David Cronenberg. He was talking about how people compare Alien to his movie Shivers. I've never heard or even thought of that. Sure, they both feature a little monster inside people. But the Alien bursts out of its host, killing that person. The Shivers' slugs stay inside their hosts controlling them (and making them really horny). So I understand the comparison to the foreign entity inside a human, but to me they are still extremely different movies. Cronenberg was a little bit arrogant about this comparison. He accused Ridley of stealing the idea from him. It kind of pissed me off at Cronenberg, and I love Cronenberg.

But one of the very best things about the movie Alien is its mood/atmosphere. This is RS's forte. It's tense, scary, and gloomy. What's not to love right? The combination of the atmosphere, the Alien, and Sigourney make this the best Ridley Scott movie ever and one of the top 5 horror/sci-fi movies of all time.

10 out of 10! Perfect!...Almost. Turn the damn lights on in a room before you search it for aliens or monsters!